I was in Geneva for 2 days, some kind of disappointing as I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t find a school, I couldn’t contact Red Cross and all activities I was planning was somehow failed. In the other hand I was almost at the end of my pocket and not much money left for me. My visa extension was on the process and everything looked quite not in the right way, anyway it was my way of looking at things otherwise they were all in the right direction and it was just me who couldn’t realize them and understand them. This is the reason I travel, which is to realize and understand life, develop the way of understanding life and myself and of course expand my heart to love more and more, To keep more people in my heart and create more joy.
There should be a shield of joy surrounding me if I want to fulfill my life with peace. Sometimes when I don’t have any cause to create a joy or don’t have an event, I just give a little doll to a kid, s/he would smile, laugh or enjoy and some little nice feeling would be created then. Anyway I Was too busy with all those thoughts and difficulties which I had and it was a reason I couldn’t enjoy well.
I knew I will be fine and everything is going on well and just this is me who cant understand but as a human being with a little of knowledge about universe, life and of course himself I couldn’t do more. I am on the way of my personal development to do not have this kind of fear, worries and weaknesses and to do so, I should go through all these hard circumstances and tough situations. In Geneva I was mostly at home on the first day, just relaxing. Loredan is living with a French family who does not understand English and while he was away I couldn’t communicate with them.
The old man has a big garden with lots of fruit trees and vegetables and it was nice to know that he does not sell them and he just give them to others for free and keep producing them to keep him busy and doing some creative works. My bicycle was not working well and I had to fix it but it was too expensive to send it to a bicycle shop to fix. But Loredan was working voluntary in a bicycle shop which they collect old bicycles to make some good ones out of them and send them to Africa. He talked to his manager and they agreed me to go there and use the tools to fix my bike by myself.
I know how to do that as I used to work in a bicycle shop since I was very young. My father died when I was 3 and my grandpa was kind of GOD father for us. So he didn’t like me to waste my time in summer holidays and also he liked us to become a man!! And independent, So he used to put me somewhere to work while having 3 months of summer holidays. He put me to work in a bicycle shop when I was 10 and 11 for 2 years. Since then I know how to fix the bike and of course afterward I was doing racing cycling for about 10 years and I used to live with bike. Still nothing happened and I was still some kind of worried and a bit sad. I met Sussane who was an unseen friend introduced by my friend Bob. We went to a café to talk a bit and we also tried to visit International school in Geneva but it didn’t work out well. I just left my card there in the school and asked them to contact me if they are interested on my project and again went back home to squeeze to my room and sit on my computer. it was the last day of my visit in Geneva and I supposed to leave in the afternoon around 5 to Thun by train. I should go back home from China.
I woke up in the morning around 8, I was still under pressure and feel sad. I should have change the situation, I couldn’t stay there longer in that kind of atmosphere. I was in my bed thinking, suddenly I felt I just want to leave and go. I began to pack quickly.
I was thinking just to go to train station, take the first train and go to Thun. I even wrote to Martin which I may come earlier today. But on the last moment I received an email from Paul, another unseen friend introduced by Bob. He said that we could meet in the afternoon and after few email we ended to have lunch together which was nice enough to change my mood. I left home with my luggage to ITU building where Paul works. We met there and we walked to a restaurant nearby to have our lunch. My mood was totally different then, I was quite happy and after having a wonderful conversation with Paul about my project I was feeling some kind of fresh blood pumping into my body, into my head. I could feel it, the freshness and cold of it nurturing my cells. I left him after lunch and I went to IFRC (International Federation of Red Cross) to visit.
They were all absent the ones who I would possibly meet and I was done in Geneva. I was going to leave IFRC for train station to go to Thun. But before leaving IFRC I saw a stand of some advertizing materials for IFRC. There was a little Swiss knife with logo of IFRC. It was 20 Frank while outside you could find it easily 12-15 Fr. I left there to take my bike and go to train station but I felt that I would like to have that knife!! I opened my wallet and I found 40Fr plus 70 Eur. I knew I should pay almost 70 Eur for train and would have just 40 Fr, but I liked to have that knife, also I would like to buy it from IFRC even though it was 30% more expensive. I walked back and I bought it and then finally I went to train station with 20 Fr left on my pocket. I walked off the train, it was cold and almost dark, I looked around to see Martin who I saw Renate and Martin both on bicycle wearing blue jackets waving their hands. I was so glad to see them. It is kind of miracle of journey, the best part of being on the road when I see people I love.
I hugged them and began to cycle together to Ruitigern where they live. Ruitigen is a small village 10km from Thun. we went to a dairy shop to buy plenty of different cheeses. They were going to make Raklette which is kind of national meal made by cheese. I had so much peace the same time I had so pain and sorrow too. It was getting long since I didn’t received any donation and the fear was a bit growing. I could feel and see how weak I am, how much more work I should do on my personality, on my soul to evaluate it and decrease the sorrow and pain and it could be possible just by increasing trust.
There is a very direct connection between peace and trust. They grow together. on Friday I spent most of the time at home because of rain but in the evening we went outside to a pub to meet some friends and talk. Saturday was a wonderful day to go outside to the mountain. Unfortunately I don’t ski and we just decided to take some snow shoes and go for a walk in beautiful Snowy Mountain. it was a wonderful day to walk around those beautiful mountains, seeing Eiger wall standing in front of me and walking through un touched snow and make my own route, make my own foot print. a pure and white snow drove me to a thought of our souls. How we let everyone walks through our souls and make a foot print. How is possible to keep it clean? How we can prevent people to have their foot print on our soul? I was walking abit behind thinking of these kinds of things as I was also thinking of my current situation too and trying to find out how it is going to work? What is going to happen? That night Benno came over to have dinner and also bring me my cell phone which I had left it behind in his flat. at night I was talking to Renate about my plan.
I told her that I am going to cycle to Zurich on Sunday which was about 140km. at the same time I would love to spend more time with them too but I couldn’t as I should be in Zurich on Monday to visit Montessori school again. No way!!! In the other hand I couldn’t afford to take a train. I even thought which I might spend the day with them on Sunday and then telling them which I would take a train and leave the house to cycle to Zurich over night in winter. I was mentally ready for it and I was actually planning to do so, but Renate told me that she is going to buy a ticket for me to Zurich which was kind of her.
It was a big help even though she didn’t know it. She didn’t know how important and big is her help and I didn’t tell her too. I usually when I am in a kind of hard situation I don’t talk about it specially if it relates to money. I just keep it till I am out of the hard part. Anyway it was time to leave and say goodbye to another piece of my heart. To a couple I love and have a big respect for them. The train was going through Berne and I was planning to go to Zurich directly. I called Benno after I left Thun and he asked “ when do you will be in Berne? I replied in 20 min and he said ok ! I will see you in train station and we can have a coffee together. “ ok..Sounds great and I got off the train in Berne to meet Benno. Again I was inside the train heading Zurich to meet Rachelle and staying wither.
Rachelle is an American citizen and one of the teachers from Montessori school and she kindly invited me to stay with them. I had a friend to stay with in Zurich but after Rachelle invited me I gladly accepted and I told my friend which I will be in their place some days later. I was in their small city which called Uetikon. Rachelle picked me from station at 8pm. Next morning I looked out of my window..I had a beautiful view over the lake of Zurich and so much peace. It was hard to distinguish between the fear, peace and trust. I was totally confused and I had no idea what is going to happen. My feelings were telling me something but the current situation was a bit different. I had hope but things were somehow going in the other direction but I just needed to trust and continue. I had just one thing to do which was waiting!!! I had to wait and observe everything to see how things are going on. Not an easy job… 17 February 2013